MONDAY Chat: Fight the Feeling
Hello to all my lovely people, and Welcome to the blog!
If this is your first time, I’m glad you stopped by, and I hope you consider subscribing. If your already part of the family … Welcome back.
No podcast this week! Hopefully, I’ll be able to record next week … stay tuned.
How is everyone doing this Monday? I hope everyone had a happy Easter. (Happy Resurrection Day). I know I said this last week, and I’ll keep stating it until “we” get there. Stay positive, stay safe, be well and keep your head up.
“In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” + Psalm 4:8
Dealing with depression is my never-ending story, and through this blog, I will continue to deal with how I’m feeling and what life throws my way.
I know that I’ve touched on sadness in another post about 2 years ago, and my struggle with clinical depression. It’s something that never truly goes away, but over time I’ve done a good job at facing it and dealing with those bouts of sadness as they arise.
We are in a climate that changes everything. While I have some anxiety about getting out again, my sadness comes from so many outlets.
Acknowledging the elephant in the room is one of the ways that I plan on dealing with it, because I know it’s not productive for Christians to be melancholy. “It is a good thing for the melancholy to become a Christian; it is an unfortunate thing for the Christian to become melancholy” (Enduring Word, Psalm 9 Study)
I worked so hard to get this place. It was like the pre-op before the surgery … (ok, bad analogy) what I mean is … I wasn’t comfortable nor was I in financial status to rush and buy a home in 30-days. But deep down in my soul, I wanted a home, so now that I’ve committed to lease my current place for 2 years to get myself on track, I realize how unhappy I truly am.
Mine Not Mine
It seems like everything is awkward. Nothing fits, nothing is in the right place … and the logistics are all wrong. Yes, it’s somewhat in my head, but it’s also the truth. I don’t want to get hung up on the fact that I don’t own, there are millions of people for one reason or another who love the ease of renting or leasing, but for me, it’s time to break that cycle.
Ever since I’ve been here, I’ve had this uneasiness, which feels like I’m just staying here, but it’s not mine. It’s the same reason why I haven’t decorated or put anything on the walls. It’s just not mine. I haven’t felt like this in 15 years.
When I was younger I didn’t think your place required a personal touch, I mean you get items that you like, you put out some pictures and a few knick-knacks and it’s your place, right? It wasn’t until I came upon the blog Apartment Therapy that I started to look at my little apartment differently.
Just because you lease it, doesn’t mean that you can’t make it yours. Today there are so many renter-friendly hacks to make your space your own, and I carried that Apartment Therapy philosophy to every place I rented and I never looked back. My last experience, however, soured me in my current space and now I’m stuck in this gray cloud.
Have you ever wished for something or sent out a prayer and wondered why it went unanswered. I’ve prayed for so many things, and I don’t want to say those prayers were empty or superficial. But deep down I didn’t truly believe that they were important so when they went unanswered I turned away from the one thing that’s been constant … and that’s the word of God.
He Works in Mysterious Ways
How many times have you heard that in your life? Several hundred times … (maybe). It is, however … true. God is not just going to give you everything you want, He doesn’t work that way. The reason that my prayers went unanswered was that I wasn’t ready for them.
God will bless you when you’re ready to be blessed, ready to be responsible, and open to understanding. Or sometimes you’ll get exactly what you want and then comes the phrase (be careful what you wish for). Sometimes God will give you exactly what you want as a life lesson.
Nothing has ever been easy for me, and I’ve had to work hard at everything I do. Depression is something that I’ve worked very hard to contain over the years. And I’m here to tell you that this has no age, or race, or face and any life even or none at all can bring this on.
Face the Day
I’m older, and wiser, but still learning. I’m still a child of God, and the word has been the only thing to pull me up as life continues to challenge me. I want to be happy, I want to be clear, and enjoy the blessings that I have received.
Am I living … or just existing? When I don’t have to ask myself that question, the answer won’t matter.
With that, I’ll end my session today. Again … thanks for hanging with me today, and if you haven’t subscribed to Life by Wyetha, then get on it … and join the family. I would love to have you at my virtual table … and as always. — Know Thyself —
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