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“The Tea”// Sunday Journal Entry … Chit-Chat: My Family Doesn't Know

Ok it’s not what your thinking … I love blogging and all that it has to offer but I’ve been really hesitant about sharing the fact that I blog with my family and some friends.  A few close friends know + my daughter + and my lovely readers … and that’s about it.  Am I hesitant … absolutely + because some of these post deal with family members + and past relationships + or [boyfriends].  I’m not sure how they deal with their stress + and demons + but my therapy is writing about it.  I write publicly + and privately.  I haven’t really given much thought on how comfortable [certain] people would be about me sharing the worst parts of them with the world [essentially].  I’ve mentioned in a previous post that … I don’t believe these are terrible people + it’s quite the opposite.  Were they bad partners? Hell yes.  Poor at relationships?  Hell yes [at that time].  The mere fact that I still remain in contact [with some] is a testament to this.  I don’t solely blame them for how I was treated in said relationship + I blame myself as well for allowing it to happen because I didn’t want to be alone + or always argumentative + or combative + so I kept shit to myself.  I was looking for all the right things in all the wrong people.

We’ve all grown up since then + and we’ve all had time to search and figure out why we are … the way we are + and what we are here to do … but again this goes back to family and friends reading it and going … wait … is she talking about me…  I’ve omitted the names to protect the innocent [lol] … but I think it might feel odd to read about certain situations + or the past through someone else’s lens.  I know more people could see my blog if I posted on Facebook or Instagram + but to be honest I’m just not there yet.  It’s also where my friends and family spend most of their social media time.  I’m hoping that my brain will catch up with the rest of me + and eventually I’ll feel comfortable enough.  I would like to think growing older means occasionally looking back at things + and your proud of who you are + or you find out where you need to make some improvements.  I don’t think there’s any harm in looking back and visiting the past + as long as you don’t stay there + and as long as you don’t dwell in a bad situation.  I know I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without my past + it wasn’t great all the time + it was a struggle + and yes everyone struggles + so mine are no different but they are significant to me and my growth.
My hope is that with time + I’ll be able to share this + and that people will understand + because maybe in their head they didn’t see things the way I did.  There are two sides to every story + and if you don’t tell a person what you’re feeling + or if you don’t like something  + then how are they supposed to know.  How do they stop doing something if they don’t know what they are doing + of if it’s wrong.  This tree didn’t sprout overnight + with age comes a different type of wisdom.  I don’t hold grudges + and I can’t stay angry because then those toxic thoughts start to pay rent in my head + and I need to be free of that baggage + it’s good for my soul and my adult growth.  — Know Thyself
With that I’ll close this journal and tea session + because I really have spilled enough for one day.  Thanks so much for visiting my blog today and thank you for taking the time to read my rambles … Have a  fantastic week + and don’t forget to “like” + “follow” + or “subscribe” so you can stay up to date on all of my post.

[image | creative market | creative folks]


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